Finding Solace in Spending: A Personal Reflection
On a quiet Friday night, I find myself alone at home, feeling a wave of disheartenment wash over me. The thought of curling up on the settee with a gripping true-crime documentary initially seemed appealing, but now I question if there’s something inherently wrong with me for not having plans, for not being out with friends. It has been an exhausting week at work—just another in a seemingly endless series of tough weeks—and my mental health has been on a tumultuous rollercoaster ride lately.
In an attempt to lift my spirits, I open my laptop, hoping to find something to purchase that will give me a fleeting sense of happiness—a little boost of serotonin, even if it’s just for a moment. Perhaps I’ll treat myself to the latest Korean skincare products that promise to transform my skin into a smooth, glowing canvas. Maybe a cute top will elevate my confidence for the next time I step out into the world. Or perhaps a sunrise lamp could help make these dark mornings a bit more bearable. Over the past year, I’ve indulged in all of these and more: a plush Jellycat corgi toy that serves as a substitute for the real dog I long to cuddle, countless overpriced lattes, and delectable pastries that temporarily brighten my dreary Monday mornings. I estimate that I’ve spent at least £600 on these impulsive purchases over the last year—all in a bid to boost my mood. At 28, the eldest in the Gen Z cohort, I know I am not alone in this struggle.
According to a study by Kaldi, a UK fintech startup, it’s revealed that a staggering 91% of Gen Z shoppers find themselves caught in a troubling cycle of emotional spending, purchasing items solely to elevate their mood. Additionally, 74% of these shoppers experience remorse after their impulse buys. Boredom also plays a significant role in driving young people toward these purchases, with 24% of individuals aged 18 to 24 admitting to buying nonessential items simply to alleviate their boredom.
But this issue isn’t limited to just Gen Z; 66% of UK adults confess to regularly engaging in emotional spending as a means of self-soothing. The same study indicates that 46% of British consumers feel guilty after these purchases yet continue to indulge in impulsive mood-lifting buys.
Let’s be honest: we all buy things we don’t really need. However, emotional spending specifically refers to the act of purchasing items to alleviate sadness or anxiety in the moment. This differs from buying a cute pair of jeans because you genuinely need them and have thoughtfully considered whether you can afford them at that time. Instead, emotional spending often leads to hasty decisions driven by fleeting emotions.
Alice Tapper, a financial expert and founder of Go Fund Yourself, emphasizes that we shouldn’t be too hard on ourselves for overindulging. “If you love the dopamine rush that comes from buying something but frequently feel regret about those purchases, remember that we all do it to some degree,” she advises. “There’s a fascinating phenomenon known as the lipstick effect, where sales of small luxury items like lipsticks increase during recessions. This is because, in challenging times, we seek that dopamine fix that feels like a reward. Conversations about money among friends have become more common in recent years, and sharing experiences—especially those involving misguided purchases—can help combat feelings of shame or guilt.”
Emotional Spending in Today’s World
Given the current state of our world, where doom is just a scroll away and the rising cost of living makes homeownership seem like a distant dream, the lipstick effect feels more pronounced than ever. Eloise Skinner, a psychotherapist and author, notes that emotional spending is influenced by our associations with finances. “This behavior can stem from various factors, but the common thread is the emotional connection we have with financial decisions,” Skinner explains. “The emotions can range from fear and anger to sadness and panic, but often the outcome is a financial purchase or investment.”
I’ve often felt that if I were to halt my emotional shopping, I would be limiting myself. Yes, saving for a mortgage and a pension is important, but having lost both my parents before they turned 62, I understand how fragile life can be. There’s a pressing need to savor life’s moments while we can.
Sim Kaur, founder of Girls That Invest, reassures me that emotional spending is frequently mistaken for self-care. “Emotional spending can feel like a form of self-care, and we’re conditioned to equate treating ourselves with spending money,” Kaur states. “We are constantly bombarded with images of luxurious lifestyles and ‘must-have’ items, which fosters FOMO (fear of missing out) and makes it easy to justify spending on things we don’t genuinely need.”
So, how can we curb emotional spending amid a barrage of advertisements, social media posts showcasing beautiful items, and the deep-rooted uncertainties of the world? Michela Allocca, author of Own Your Money and founder of Break Your Budget, suggests a two-step approach to overcoming mood-based purchases. “The first step is identifying the root of the problem by recognizing patterns in your spending,” Allocca advises. “What triggers your urge to shop? Do you find yourself purchasing items after scrolling through social media, after a challenging day at work, or following an argument with a loved one? What are you seeking from these purchases?”
She encourages the creation of “spending rules.” For example, you might decide not to make any purchases from your phone, only buy items when you run out, or limit yourself to one clothing purchase each month. “Introduce true friction into the buying process: don’t save your credit card information on your devices, unsubscribe from promotional emails, and create an impulse list,” she suggests. “Following the 48-hour rule—waiting two days before making a purchase—can also be helpful.”
This practical approach resonates with me; envisioning all I could save for feels too abstract. Yes, saving for a house deposit sounds wonderful, but that matching workout set is right there, beckoning me with its discounted price. While creating barriers to my emotional spending may seem childish, perhaps it can serve as a bridge to breaking the habit.
Skinner encourages people to take a non-financial approach to the issue by “addressing the emotions behind spending decisions and then adopting a habit that supports or helps process those emotions.” She suggests replacing the habit of emotional spending with alternative distractions, such as engaging with a favorite film, reading a beloved blog, or exploring creative uses of online time—like taking a course or browsing Pinterest.
While I may never become the type of person who meticulously plans every penny of my income or abstains from buying an overpriced flat white, I will consciously choose the treats that add a touch of sparkle to my life—like enjoying a café atmosphere to work in or pampering myself with a manicure. However, I am committed to reframing my approach to emotional shopping and seeking support for my mental health in healthier ways, such as through therapy.
