The Quirky World of Crufts: A Journey of Discovery
An almost human expression, coupled with thick, leathery skin that feels harsh and slightly greasy to the touch. This might sound like an alarming police description of an intruder or the chilling narrative of a slasher film. However, it’s actually part of the judging criteria for the gundog heats at Crufts, which has returned to dominate the NEC and Channel 4 this weekend. Having previously been a reluctant observer, I now find myself enchanted by the spectacle.
Before immersing myself in the world of Crufts, I held a rather simplistic view of what makes a good dog: fluffiness and the ability to relieve themselves in appropriate places. My perspective has since evolved dramatically. I’ve learned that a good dog should possess a noble and aristocratic head, a charming femininity, and a nicely sculpted form. A dog must demonstrate “pounding, trotting action”; it should appear “racy, balanced, and full of quality” – and, of course, it should always come with a wagging tail.
For many years, I scoffed at Crufts. I rolled my eyes at the description of a miniature schnauzer as “a real comedian” or a Jack Russell labeled “a bit of a thug at home.” I was perplexed by the peculiar sight of women dashing around the agility ring in skirt suits and sensible shoes, proudly calling themselves “dog denizens.” The introduction of canines with double-barreled surnames baffled me. I couldn’t comprehend why any self-respecting adult would enter the Heel Toe to Music competition, attempting to charm both human and canine audiences with a performance set to “Tale as Old as Time” from Beauty and the Beast. Nor could I fathom dressing up as a witch to direct a dog with a broomstick. The notion that a placid 4kg creature named “Tapas” could be handed a microphone by Clare Balding, an esteemed Cambridge graduate, left me utterly bewildered.
However, my perception underwent a radical shift three years ago when my father brought home a cockapoo named Millie. Transformed into a soft-hearted dog lover, I now regret that I cannot share the experience of Crufts with her. Millie would revel in the sight of the supercharged spaniel, the playful fluffball, the chatty Finnish spitz, and the inspiring three-legged “whiz of a dog.” Unfortunately, she is barred from competing – being untrained, having failed to win the “waggiest tail” contest at our local dog show, and being a crossbreed – and she would likely jump at the screen at the mere sight of Gromit.
Now, I see Crufts for what it truly is – a wonderfully absurd, earnest, and heartwarming institution that deserves our admiration. It transcends the presence of dogs and instead reveals the best and sometimes most ridiculous sides of humanity. The emotional moments – the puppies, the “veterans,” and the devoted owners who pour their hearts into their bonds with their pets – are undeniably touching. More importantly, Crufts indulges our most judgmental instincts, allowing us to channel our sometimes harsh opinions, much like our reactions to the cringe-worthy auditions on The X Factor or the drama of Love Island, into a harmless and innocent realm of beloved dogs. I can freely decide who deserves the title of Best in Show or Prettiest Bitch based on whatever superficial criteria I choose, without the nagging guilt of objectifying a fellow human.
Moreover, Crufts offers a refreshing antidote to the polished, often insipid portrayals of perfection found in shows like the incredibly vapid With Love, Meghan, which left me feeling mentally drained. There’s nothing truly aspirational about Crufts; in fact, it can be rather vulgar. The sight of a German short-haired pointer with its testicles dangling as it sprints across the arena, the slobber and teeth displayed without restraint, and the raw, unrefined aspects of life remind us of the realities we often try to hide – realities that are beautifully highlighted by the presence of our pets.
Crufts makes us vulnerable and curious as well. There’s the concerned pet owner sending texts seeking advice for their flatulent poodle, Grouch, or the one looking for tips on managing their bull terrier’s excessive drooling. Children wonder why their dogs circle around before finding “a safe place to do their business” (a behavior intriguingly linked to the Earth’s magnetic fields, as one vet explains). While it may be a dog show, there’s something innately human about the entire experience of Crufts.
