The Complex Landscape of Modern Dating
During a recent catch-up with a friend, as we indulged in the usual gossip about the comings and goings in our hometown, she surprised me with a revelation: someone we both know had ventured into a rather unconventional dating site. This wasn’t just a fleeting experiment or a whimsical decision; it was a serious endeavor aimed at finding what she now views as a pragmatic solution to the often exhausting ordeal of contemporary dating.
This particular site connects young individuals—predominantly women—with significantly older, wealthier partners who may offer financial support, gifts, or other forms of compensation in exchange for companionship. This type of arrangement is often referred to as sugar dating.
At the age of 27, I thought I had encountered every facet of modern romance: the ghosting, the so-called situationships, and the endless scrolling through dating apps that often leaves one feeling as though love is merely an elaborate joke. However, sugar dating? That was— and continues to be—uncharted territory for me.
My initial shock wasn’t necessarily rooted in her decision—after all, she’s an adult capable of making her own choices—but in the profound exhaustion that must have propelled her to this point. The sheer exasperation stemming from her online dating experiences had led her to conclude that if she was going to invest her time in men, she might as well derive some financial benefit from it.
This is the reality we face: a generation of women so disillusioned by dating apps that some perceive dating as a transactional exchange rather than a quest for meaningful connection. Influencers on platforms like YouTube, such as SheraSeven—whose real name is Leticia Padua—have not only normalized this idea but actively encouraged it.
Shera doesn’t label herself a dating coach; she prefers to see herself as a financial advisor. In her perspective, dating transcends love—it revolves around wealth accumulation. “Sprinkle sprinkle,” she famously exclaims, mimicking the motion of money flowing from one hand to another.
This mindset echoes sentiments from another era. Nearly 40 years ago, Zsa Zsa Gabor, the quintessential socialite and professional wife, espoused a similar philosophy, albeit dressed in luxurious furs and adorned with pearls. “I want a man who’s kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?” she once quipped. Regarding her domestic arrangements, she famously noted, “I am a marvelous housekeeper. Whenever I get divorced, I keep the house.”
While I find both Shera and Zsa Zsa amusing, these quotes should be approached with a critical eye. What is truly concerning is that, despite decades of progress in gender equality and shifting societal roles, the underlying message remains unchanged: men are expected to be providers, while women should be compensated—whether through marriage, gifts, or outright payment—for enduring their company.
Seeking Authentic Connections
There is a stark difference between desiring a partner who values and provides for you and expecting financial compensation for dating. The issue isn’t that women aspire to be courted and respected; it’s that some have resigned themselves to the notion that these qualities cannot be found within equitable relationships and, as a result, view dating as a mere economic venture. However, one cannot genuinely seek an authentic romantic connection while simultaneously demanding payment for their time.
Let’s be honest—being compensated for a date? Some might equate that to escorting. If this is the path one chooses, it’s crucial to reflect on what you truly want to achieve. Are you seeking an effortless side hustle, enjoying lavish dinners at your leisure? Or is it about forging authentic companionship, mentorship, and finding solace in the loneliness that often accompanies single life?
The irony lies in the fact that this regressive view of dating is being marketed to young women under the guise of empowerment. But is it genuinely empowering to reduce your romantic prospects to a mere bank balance? To exchange the pursuit of genuine partnership for cold, hard cash? Zsa Zsa Gabor may have had a point when she proclaimed, “There’s no better aphrodisiac than power.” Yet true power lies in the ability to stand on your own, to nurture yourself, and to value your time without relying on someone else’s credit card to affirm your worth.
As someone who advocates for women’s autonomy in their choices, I find myself apprehensive about the concept of sugar dating. This concern stems from my belief that it ultimately undermines women’s well-being; money earned this way, while providing an immediate sense of security, can gradually erode one’s sense of self. Additionally, I worry about the implications for men, who may become conditioned to believe that a woman’s interest is solely contingent upon their financial status. Heaven forbid they don’t fit the mold of a 6-foot-5 gentleman with striking blue eyes and a lucrative career in finance.
Perhaps what women truly need is something more fundamental: time. Time to assess whether their financial resources are serving them well, and whether they are living within their means. Time to recover from the dreadful first dates, the emotional turmoil, and the feelings of helplessness that often accompany the modern dating landscape. Time to pick themselves up, dust themselves off, and dare I say, re-enter the dating scene with renewed vigor.
