The Challenges of Refereeing Your Child’s Game
There’s a fundamental rule for any sporting official: remain impartial. However, when you’re officiating a match involving your own child, the temptation to show favoritism can be overwhelming. It’s perhaps no surprise that many parents prefer to watch from the sidelines. When the managers of my son’s under-10 football team send out their weekly plea via WhatsApp for someone to step up as a referee, the only response is often a trail of tumbleweed emojis.
Since my son began playing last season, I’ve reluctantly taken a turn at refereeing five or six times. Initially, I was apprehensive because I lacked confidence in my understanding of the rules and had heard disheartening stories about abusive coaches and parents. A survey conducted by the BBC in 2023 revealed that nearly all of the 927 amateur football referees who responded had experienced verbal abuse, with an astonishing one-third reporting physical aggression. Just this past weekend, Fifa’s head of refereeing, Pierluigi Collina, commented on how much more challenging it has become to officiate, given the rising hostility directed at referees.
A few weeks into last season, I witnessed an opposition coach completely lose his composure over what he deemed to be poor officiating by a fellow dad referee. He spent a significant portion of the match berating the man and stormed up to him afterward to declare him a disgrace, criticizing his performance as the worst he had ever seen.
When I finally gathered the courage to officiate myself, I was relieved to find that any heckling was minimal. In fact, I was so focused on the match that I often didn’t even register what was being said from the sidelines. Before my second match, I even purchased my own whistle as a symbol of my growing confidence.
The real pressure, I found, comes from the pitch itself. As a fair-minded and somewhat socially awkward person, the last thing I want is for anyone—including young players—to think I’m showing bias. Not everyone shares my perspective, though; I’ve witnessed several blatantly one-sided referees over the last 18 months. My instinct is always to give the benefit of the doubt to the opposing team, primarily to avoid being perceived as partial.
On the flip side, my son’s intense desire to win sometimes translates into utter despair when they lose. Before matches that I’m officiating, he often shoots me a dark look; during the game, he casts imploring glances my way and sometimes throws his hands up in frustration if he believes I’ve made a wrong call. Given that he seems to think every decision I make is incorrect, he often runs around with an exaggerated shrug, which I find hard to watch.
Nonetheless, I strive to let the game flow naturally, calling fouls only when absolutely necessary, and I make an effort to stay close to the action when the ball goes out for a throw-in. I tend to shout “play on” more than anything else, aiming to sound authoritative while keeping contentious decisions to a minimum and trying not to lose track of the game’s duration.
A few games ago, I awarded a penalty to my son’s team after an opposing player handled the ball in the box. To me, it was a clear-cut decision—an obvious two-handed dive from a player who wasn’t the goalkeeper. Yet, the poor boy who committed the foul was left in tears, insisting he hadn’t touched the ball. I questioned whether I had made a mistake and feared that I would be branded a cheat by frustrated nine-year-olds on their way home.
Last weekend, donning my boots and whistle, I oversaw a sun-drenched match where my son and his teammates faced a well-matched visiting side. The outcome was a fair one, but my son was indignant. He labeled the officiating as “trash,” claiming my “errors” had led to at least five goals against us. He pointed out a blatant penalty I missed and several obvious fouls I failed to call. In his eyes, I was clearly biased—just in the opposite direction.
At this age, we don’t send players off for fouls. But if there were a way to do so, I would gladly give myself a red card and leave the refereeing to someone who can handle the inevitable criticism.
