Redefining Romance: A Reflection on Gender and Affection
I’ve lost track of the countless flowers I’ve both given and received, the heartfelt letters penned by hand and tied with delicate ribbons, and the cherished photo albums adorned with loving notes alongside each picture. These tokens of affection haven’t come from romantic partners, but rather from my incredible friends. A recent study claims that men are the most romantic gender, suggesting they are more likely to say “I love you” first, experience prolonged heartbreak, and are less inclined to initiate breakups—65% of relationship endings are reportedly instigated by women. I can’t help but scoff at this notion. These behaviors don’t inherently equate to romance. Is it truly romantic to linger in a relationship that’s already withering away? Is it romantic to lack the tools to heal after a painful breakup? While men may be more casual with those three powerful words, I question the merit of such behavior. It reflects the social conditioning of heterosexual couples.
Women have historically been conditioned to shy away from any perceived “neediness.” The “Cool Girl” archetype looms large, where showing vulnerability is often seen as a weakness. In the year 2025, many women still fear being labeled as “too much” in front of men. Consequently, we tend to wait—wait for our partners to express their feelings, wait for them to take the emotional lead.
However, as relationships evolve, many men often relinquish that lead. They may stop managing the emotional health of the relationship or fail to reflect on what is thriving or faltering. The aftermath of a relationship’s collapse may indeed linger longer for men, as they statistically are less likely to seek help. To me, none of this feels particularly romantic.
If women have become less romantic, I believe I understand why. They often invest their emotional energy in friendships rather than romantic pursuits. Why spend hours crafting a personalized gift for a boyfriend when you’ve just poured your heart into making something special for a best friend’s milestone? Celebrating significant life events—new jobs, new homes, or even a new coat—often results in flowers and heartfelt gestures being exchanged among friends. After experiencing two breakups, my home has been a sanctuary filled with roses from friends. Since we turned 22, one of my dear friends has consistently hand-painted my birthday cards, a gesture that feels far more meaningful than anything I’ve received from a man.
Then there are the moments of friendship-fueled romance that border on the extraordinary. Two of my friends once surprised me by tattooing my name on their legs—a gesture they would likely never consider for their boyfriends, but for a friend? It’s deeply moving.
These acts of affection are so ingrained in my psyche that the mere mention of a “special occasion” sends me scrambling to create memory boxes and personalized scrapbooks. Words of affirmation flow effortlessly among female friends; even a random encounter with a stranger in the bathroom often results in more sincere compliments than I’ve ever received from past relationships. On wedding days, we gather to celebrate the bride with heartfelt letters, reminiscing about soulmates and childhood memories that have shaped our very beings. While it may seem over-the-top or cliché, that is the essence of romance—authentic and unabashedly expressive. This dynamic exists because it feels safer to be “too much” with friends; these relationships have endured for years, sometimes decades, creating a foundation of trust that makes vulnerability feel natural.
By the time men enter the picture, there’s often little emotional reserve left to spare. This isn’t to say that romantic men don’t exist; they certainly do, and they deserve recognition. However, I have yet to witness a man in love exhibit the same level of exuberance or expressiveness as a woman when it comes to cherishing her friendships. My boyfriend is incredibly thoughtful and caring, but it is the women in my life who have shown me what true romance can embody: nurturing, reliable, and yes, sometimes “too much.”
In conclusion, women are, without a doubt, the true romantics among the genders. I’m sorry, men, but this time, it’s just not you.
