Are you grappling with a work-related dilemma, a career challenge, or facing issues in your workplace? The i Paper’s new work column is here to provide answers to readers’ queries while consulting with leading experts in the field to offer you the best possible advice. Feel free to email your questions to [email protected].
I’m in my thirties and have been in a relatively new job for about six months now. In this role, it’s essentially up to each employee how often they come into the office. While this may sound like a dream come true for many, I find that I can barely afford to go in, and I genuinely feel like my skills and confidence are stagnating.
Since I got a puppy during lockdown, I have to factor in the costs of doggy daycare, daily train travelcards into London, and meals or coffees while I’m there. As a result, I simply can’t afford to be in the office as frequently as I would like.
I started at the same time as a colleague who goes into the office four days a week, and I can see how she has completely eclipsed me. She has formed friendships with colleagues across different departments, establishing a rapport with our boss and gaining support more readily. Meanwhile, she seems to understand all the systems better than I do—she heads to IT for assistance whenever she encounters a problem, while I have to rely on a slow email response from our helpdesk. Overall, she appears more confident and energetic in meetings. I feel like I get overshadowed in Zoom meetings, which is really affecting my confidence and fueling my imposter syndrome.
I’m feeling lost and unsure of what to do—please help!
Heather Elkington, who transitioned from shop floor to operations director at accounting software company GoProposal at just 25, has a wealth of experience in this area. After joining as the second employee, she played a pivotal role in scaling the company to a £2 million enterprise before it was sold for eight figures. In 2023, she founded Fresh Leadership World, dedicated to helping managers build high-performing teams. She is also the author of Your Boss Era, reaching millions with her leadership insights online through platforms like LinkedIn, Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube.
Heather’s advice: In your quest for work-life balance, it’s clear that you value your life outside of work—you cherish the companionship of your dog, prefer the comfort of your home, and have chosen to live in an area that is more affordable than London. You are not alone in this choice; over 75,000 people left London during the pandemic in search of affordable housing and a slower pace of life, along with the flexibility of remote work. However, this trend has diminished, with demand for living and working in the capital rising again. As of last month, only 14% of Brits were working fully remotely, 26% were on a hybrid schedule, and 37% were entirely in the office, according to Statista.
For those working remotely—either fully or partially—the advantages are clear: greater control over how you allocate your time, the freedom to choose your living arrangements, and potential financial savings. Let’s break down the costs: the average daily commute to London now costs around £5,100 annually. Additionally, the average UK office worker spends about £1,092 a year on lunch, and if you grab a quick Costa coffee on your way to the office, that adds another £1,144 to your yearly expenses. Altogether, that’s a staggering £7,336 before considering doggy daycare, highlighting the financial dilemma you’re facing.
However, there is a different price you are paying for not being in the office, and you are experiencing proximity bias, which your colleague is currently benefiting from. While this situation may seem unjust, it is a reality you need to confront, and there are several steps you can take to address it.
Recognize the Impact of Proximity Bias and Take Action
The first question to consider is: is your career truly a priority? It’s perfectly acceptable if the answer isn’t a resounding ‘yes’. Regardless of your answer, there will be sacrifices involved. If you do wish to advance in your career and improve your situation in the workplace, consider starting by going into the office at least one day a week. Make that day count by being as visible as possible—schedule it around critical meetings and request coffee catch-ups with senior colleagues.
Also, make an effort to enhance your presence when working from home. It’s easy to assume your manager is aware of all the great work you’re doing, but the reality is, they might not be fully informed. They may not know what projects you are advancing or the tasks you are tackling.
- At the end of each week, consider sending your manager a brief email summarizing your major achievements, what you’ve progressed, and where you might need their input for the upcoming week. This communicates, “I know you can’t see me, but I want you to know I am excelling in my role.”
- Utilize your vulnerability as a strength. Emphasize how you are adding value—perhaps you are more productive because you’re not distracted by the dynamics of the office environment.
- Request a meeting with your manager to discuss your experiences. It’s crucial that you approach this conversation thoughtfully; avoid framing it solely as a complaint about unfair treatment. Remember, your decision to live outside London with a dog is a personal choice and not your employer’s responsibility.
In my experience, organizations that exhibit proximity bias often have other biases influencing their decision-making processes, which ultimately affects everyone. This could also be a chance for you to showcase your value by leading initiatives to raise awareness about proximity bias—suggesting relevant literature or experts in the field for the team to engage with.
Bring this topic up in the context of a larger concern: if the organization rewards only those who are consistently in the office, it might be marginalizing others who don’t fit that mold, such as those with caregiving responsibilities. This could lead to a homogenous workplace, which is counterproductive to creating a diverse and inclusive environment.
Evaluate Your Priorities—Are Promotions Your Main Goal?
If, after a few months, you find that your situation hasn’t improved, it might be time to consider whether this workplace is right for you. You may thrive in a work environment that is predominantly remote, and if this company doesn’t align with that preference, your progress will likely be hindered. Many organizations have established remote and hybrid practices that may better suit your needs.
Reflect on what success and happiness mean to you. Perhaps the traditional metrics of success in a corporate career don’t resonate with you, but you feel conflicted because society has conditioned you to believe you must be the most confident and achieve promotions ahead of your peers.
The good news is, you already have a job that meets your financial needs, so you’re not obligated to rush your decision. Take your time to evaluate the next step that aligns with your values. This may involve seeking a new job in an organization that embraces remote work, exploring local opportunities, or even considering freelance options if you have the necessary contacts and expertise.
Ensure that your decision-making process aligns with your values and priorities—there’s no need to adhere to traditional expectations any longer.
As relayed to MaryLou Costa
