Responding to a Friend After a Less-Than-Stellar Performance
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Q: What do you say to a friend at the stage door when their show was kind of terrible? Is there a “nonpliment” you’d recommend?
When faced with the challenge of offering feedback to a friend whose performance didn’t quite meet expectations, there are three fundamental approaches you might consider:
- Be candid and tell the truth, embracing a tough-love mentality.
- Seek a middle ground by expressing something appreciative, albeit incomplete.
- Opt for a white lie to spare feelings.
Each of these strategies has its own advantages and drawbacks.
Truth is not always the best policy. While some individuals pride themselves on their directness, viewing it as a hallmark of honesty and integrity, many artists argue that this approach is often misguided, especially in the intimate setting of a stage door encounter. The consensus among the performers I consulted is that while honesty has its place, it is not always appropriate in these scenarios.
There are certainly circumstances where constructive criticism might be welcomed, especially if your friend has actively sought your input and you possess relevant experience. For instance, if you are invited to a development workshop, given a draft of a script to review, or asked to attend a rehearsal, and your friend explicitly indicates they want your honest feedback, then it is perfectly acceptable to share your thoughts.
“If you attend an early preview of a play and your friend is genuinely seeking feedback, frame your comments based on your viewing experience,” advises Lauren Halvorsen, a dramaturg and writer for the theater newsletter, Nothing for the Group. “Mix praise with constructive criticism regarding specific moments, performances, or production elements that stood out to you. Additionally, check in with your friend about their own feelings: ‘How are you processing this? What insights are you gaining from the audience’s reactions? What aspects of the piece are you still refining?’ Tailor your response around their inquiries and concerns.”
However, once the show has officially opened, and you’re meeting your friend backstage, at the stage door, or during an after-party, admitting that you didn’t enjoy it is generally not advisable.
Consider a more artful approach. Many people choose to navigate these awkward situations with grace, opting for a tactful evasion. I have found myself doing the same, not out of personal sentiment but due to professional standards — The Times’s ethics guidelines stipulate that reporters “may not comment, even informally, on works in progress before those works are reviewed.” Consequently, I often resort to generic phrases like “Congratulations on your performance!” or “I’m truly glad I could be here to support you.”
