Ruby Cutler: My Journey as the Other Woman
Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would find myself in the role of the other woman. But everything changed when I met Mark, a 51-year-old married sales adviser. Our affair spanned several years, and though he eventually left his wife, it’s been over a year now, and he still hasn’t publicly acknowledged our relationship. As a 47-year-old administrator from Exeter, I’m growing weary of living in the shadows.
Let me share my story.
It all started one afternoon as I was browsing through LinkedIn. A profile picture of a handsome sales advisor caught my attention. We had numerous contacts in common, prompting me to send him a connection request. Mark was striking, with kind eyes, strong shoulders, a full head of hair—something rare for men over fifty—and he exuded that charming silver fox vibe that I found irresistible.
Initially, our interactions were strictly professional, filled with messages about work. But it didn’t take long for a flirtatious undertone to emerge. The chemistry between us was palpable from the very start. Intrigued by him, I resorted to the modern-day sleuthing technique: I scoured his social media profiles. That’s when I stumbled upon the telltale wedding ring in his Facebook photographs. My heart sank, and I thought, “Should I back off?”
I tried to maintain a professional distance, but the flirtation was hard to resist. I found myself inventing reasons to reach out to him. “Could you send me that brochure?” I would ask, just to hear his voice. Each interaction left me feeling exhilarated; he made me laugh like I hadn’t laughed in years. Although I had convinced myself that I was content being single, my feelings for him awakened something deep inside me.
In 2022, our relationship took a dramatic turn when we were both invited to a corporate networking event out of town. I remember the moment my stomach flipped with excitement when I realized we would be staying at the same hotel overnight. This was my chance!
I decided to pull out all the stops: I ditched my glasses, treated myself to a full glam makeover, and splurged on a stunning red dress paired with killer heels. When I looked in the mirror, I barely recognized myself and wondered if he would, too.
That evening, I spotted him at the bar and confidently approached him. “I’ll have a gin and tonic, love,” I said with a cheeky smile. He flashed a disarming grin and ordered my drink. The chemistry between us intensified as we chatted, igniting a spark I could hardly ignore. But there was an unspoken tension—his marriage loomed between us.
Curiosity got the better of me, and I asked, “How’s your wife?” I intended to be casual, but the conversation took an unexpected turn.
Four Red Flags of Infidelity
Private Investigator Aaron Bond from BondRees identifies key signs that your partner may be cheating:
- They take their phone everywhere: If your partner suddenly becomes secretive about their phone, changing passwords or taking it everywhere, they may be hiding something.
- Less sharing about their day: If they start avoiding sharing details about their life or seem distant, it could indicate guilt or avoidance.
- Changes in libido: A sudden change in sexual interest can be a red flag. Cheaters may experience a drop in intimacy at home or increase their sexual activity as a way to mask guilt.
- Negative attitudes: If they seem critical of you over minor issues, it could be a projection of their inner conflict regarding their infidelity.
What Mark revealed next took me by surprise. He opened up about the struggles in his marriage. They had been trying for children for years, investing heavily in IVF treatments, only to face repeated heartbreak. The stress had created a significant rift between them, leading to a sexless marriage and separated bedrooms.
His honesty was shocking, and I could sense the trust he had in me. Did he see me merely as a friend, or was he interested in something more? My heart ached for both of them; yet, I felt a strange sense of relief—he wasn’t in a happy marriage, and I wasn’t about to ruin a fairytale.
As our conversation flowed, he shifted his focus back to me, asking, “What about you?” I casually replied, “I’m single. No kids.” His gaze lingered on mine, and the attraction grew more intense. Should I make a move? Hesitating, I opted to play it cool.
Eventually, we parted ways, but later that night, there was a knock at my door. I opened it to find him standing there, and we fell into each other’s arms. Months of flirtation culminated in a passionate encounter that was nothing short of electric.
A Temporary Escape
Following that night, we attempted to maintain professionalism, but our attraction was undeniable. We orchestrated “meetings” under the guise of work, which conveniently allowed for more time together. Mark’s job required frequent travel, making it easier for us to rendezvous without raising suspicion.
Initially, the secrecy was thrilling. The passionate escapades felt like something out of a romantic movie. However, as time passed, reality began to creep in.
“If your marriage is devoid of intimacy and the dream of children isn’t materializing, why stay?” I probed one day, sensing his inner turmoil. He was torn. Although he wanted to leave, he felt trapped by his in-laws’ affection for him and his wife’s lingering hope for their future.
They had invested so much in their IVF journey, and he grappled with the guilt of being the villain in their love story. I felt sympathy for her, and the thought of karma loomed large in my mind. Yet, I couldn’t shake the feeling of uncertainty. Would he ever leave her? Was I merely a temporary distraction?
Months passed, and I found myself alone for birthdays, anniversaries, and Valentine’s Days, while he maintained the façade of a devoted husband. I didn’t want to pressure him, but how long could I wait?
Then, one year ago, everything changed. A knock at my door revealed Mark standing there, visibly excited and holding a set of keys. “I’ve left,” he announced. “I told her it’s over.”
Stunned, I processed his words. He had finally taken the plunge, explaining to his wife that he was unhappy, that they hadn’t been intimate in years, and that he had met someone else. I couldn’t help but feel a pang of guilt, knowing she must have felt blindsided. Yet, I reassured myself that their marriage was already on shaky ground long before I entered the picture.
As the news settled in, I was thrilled. He was renting a beautiful house now, and we were officially together. But there was still a cloud hanging over us. He hadn’t told his in-laws the full story; they knew the marriage was over and that he was seeing someone, but not who or how serious it was. He had given his ex-wife a diluted version of events to spare her feelings, which I understood.
I yearned to shout our love from the rooftops. I wanted to introduce him as my boyfriend to my family and friends, post pictures of us together on social media, celebrate anniversaries, and participate in all the things that normal couples do. But I had to be patient.
Every time I broached the topic of going public, he would respond, “Just a little longer.” The waiting was excruciating, as I had hoped that once he left his wife, the secrecy and lies would dissipate. Yet here I was, still in limbo.
Most people were unaware of our relationship, not even my mother. I faced patronizing questions like, “Isn’t it time you found yourself a fella?” I wanted to scream, “I do! I have Mark!” But I couldn’t. The small-town dynamics made it complicated, and I was acutely aware of the stigma surrounding our situation.
Deep down, I know that I’m not the first person to navigate this terrain and I certainly won’t be the last. I’ve told Mark that he can’t remain in a state of guilt forever, but he remains hesitant and uncertain.
For now, patience is key. The most crucial aspect is that we’re happy together. However, I won’t feel completely comfortable until we can embrace our relationship publicly. With his divorce in progress, I hold onto hope that one day we’ll talk about marriage. For now, I won’t pressure him; we need to take one step at a time, starting with going public.
As I navigate this complex emotional landscape, I can’t help but feel that until we share our love openly, I’m still living in the shadows.