As our youngest child prepares to embark on their university journey this September, our family dynamic is shifting dramatically. Our eldest daughter has successfully secured a job, moved out, and is adeptly managing her life independently. Meanwhile, our middle child is on the cusp of graduation, gearing up for a promising career as a farm veterinarian, which means she too will soon be charting her own course away from our London home. With our house now feeling spacious and our weekends devoid of the usual hustle and bustle, we’ve come to realize that the only parenting skill left for us to cultivate is the art of stepping back and granting our children the space they need to thrive. But what do we do with the wealth of knowledge and experience we’ve accumulated over the past 25 years?
This contemplation has led my husband and me to discuss the possibility of becoming foster carers. The recent appeal from Children’s Minister Janet Daby, urging empty-nesters to consider fostering, resonates deeply with us. The United Kingdom is currently facing a severe shortage of foster carers, with a staggering deficit of 6,500. The number of children entering care has surged, surpassing 100,000—far earlier than the anticipated 2030 projection. At the same time, the ranks of foster carers are dwindling.
Children find themselves in care for various reasons, ranging from temporary family crises to severe neglect and abuse. Some may stay for a brief period before returning to their families, while others may be adopted or remain with foster families until they reach adulthood. Foster carers come from diverse backgrounds, but many are, like us, empty nesters, as noted by Sarah Thomas, chief executive of the fostering charity, The Fostering Network. These individuals often have secure accommodations, spare rooms, and a genuine understanding of nurturing.
“We are in a critical situation right now, and recruiting more foster carers is absolutely essential,” says Thomas. “Children are being placed in residential care when they should be in a family environment. Just last week, I heard about a five-year-old being placed in residential care.”
Thomas emphasizes that many foster carers are individuals who cherished their parenting experiences and seek to continue supporting children in need as their own children become independent. However, this transition brings both advantages and challenges. While the life experience foster carers bring can be invaluable, there are significant differences between raising biological children and caring for those who have experienced trauma, requiring a more nuanced approach.
James Dennis, a 70-year-old retiree from Surrey, reflects on his two decades of fostering through the National Fostering Group. He and his late wife, Pam, began fostering when their eldest children had left home, and their youngest was nearing adulthood. “Pam had a background in special needs education, while I worked as a painter-decorator,” he recalls. “During a holiday in Turkey, we met a couple raised in care who shared their experiences, and it struck a chord with us.”
The approval and training process for fostering is thorough and demanding. An assessing social worker typically visits potential carers weekly for four to six months, complemented by weekend training sessions. “The scrutiny is necessary,” explains Thomas. “Fostering is one of the few roles in society where we take extremely vulnerable children and match them with adults to raise them in a home environment without constant oversight. The gravity of this responsibility is reflected in the assessment and training.”
Once approved, the Dennis household was filled with children of varying ages, from toddlers to teenagers, some staying for brief periods while others remained for years. “We experienced a rollercoaster of emotions,” Dennis shares. “There were instances of theft, children running away, and even the police being involved when a child went missing.” He recalls a humorous yet telling incident involving a young boy who took £20 from his wallet and a KitKat, then made a dramatic exit on roller skates. However, when asked about the toughest part of fostering, Dennis reflects, “Saying goodbye to a young boy after three years was heart-wrenching. You become deeply attached. They may not be yours by birth, but they become part of your family.”
Initially, while both he and Pam were working, the demands of fostering became overwhelming, especially when they had multiple children in their care. “School calls would come in, asking me to pick up a child who was unwell. I often had to leave work early, which affected my clients,” he explains. Eventually, Dennis transitioned to full-time fostering. Tragically, after losing Pam to cancer, he chose to continue fostering, a decision that has enriched his life. “It’s been incredible,” he says. “Some children arrive having never slept on a bed or lacking basic skills like using utensils or brushing their teeth. You must guide them from the ground up.”
Reflecting on the impact he’s had, Dennis shares, “I had one boy who had never attended school. After a year in my care, he thrived, receiving weekly merits and eagerly arriving at the school gate each morning. There was also a 13-year-old girl who came to us for just a week of respite. Initially quiet and withdrawn, she blossomed after we took her to the National Gallery in London. By the end of her stay, she was animated and full of conversation!”
As Dennis contemplates life after his recent retirement from fostering, he admits uncertainty about what comes next. “Fostering is a 24/7 commitment that can be draining,” he notes. “Other aspects of life often take a back seat. I now have grandchildren who enjoyed playing with the foster children, but my granddaughter recently remarked, ‘I’ve got my grandpop back!’”
There are no strict checklists for becoming a foster carer, other than having a spare room and secure housing. Individuals of any age, marital status, or employment situation can apply, provided they offer a stable and willing environment for learning. “Many people enter fostering thinking that love, consistency, and security are all that’s needed, but it requires much more,” says Emma Fincham, a Fostering Consultant at Coram BAAF. “It transcends traditional parenting; it involves understanding and providing therapeutic care for children who may have faced significant challenges.”
There is a pressing need for foster carers, particularly for teenagers and the growing population of unaccompanied asylum-seeking children. Fincham emphasizes that working full-time while fostering can be feasible, especially with secondary school or college-aged youth. “The assessment process carefully evaluates how potential carers can balance work and fostering,” she explains. “Support systems, such as family networks and employer flexibility, are considered essential.”
Financial aspects of fostering vary significantly by location. “It’s a considerable postcode lottery,” Fincham points out. Allowances intended to cover a child’s basic expenses range widely, with fostering fees typically between £100-200 weekly, but can reach as high as £750 or drop to as low as £18. “While it’s often viewed as taboo to discuss money in the fostering sector, it’s vital since foster carers also have bills to pay. I’ve encountered individuals who have had to rely on food banks.”
Despite the challenges, most foster carers find the experience deeply rewarding, a sentiment echoed by James Dennis. “To anyone with a spare room and a capacity for empathy, I’d say, ‘Give it a try.’ My only regret is that I didn’t start sooner.” As for my husband and me, while we continue to weigh our options, the prospect of fostering presents an opportunity to embrace a new chapter in life, even as we consider the allure of travel and relaxation at this stage. Choosing to foster may not be the simplest path, but it could indeed be the most courageous—and potentially the most transformative.
Benefits of Being a Foster Carer
In addition to being a fulfilling role that profoundly impacts children’s lives, fostering offers various benefits, including:
- Exemption from, or discounts on, council tax.
- Weekly allowances ranging from £165 to £289 per child; fostering fees and allowances do not affect universal credit or working tax credit eligibility.
- Foster parents can earn up to £18,140 from fostering without incurring taxes, along with tax relief for each week a child is fostered.
- Eligibility for national insurance credits that contribute to your state pension.
