Cuddled Up on the Sofa: A Unique Journey of Motherhood
Wrapped in the warmth of her cozy sofa, Barb Higgins finds pure joy in breastfeeding her son, Jack. While this serene scene resonates with countless mothers, there’s a remarkable twist: Jack is four years old, and Barb is 61.
Barb Higgins embraced motherhood anew at the age of 57, when she and her husband, Kenny, welcomed their son, Jack, into the world. “I know it surprises some people to see a four-year-old nursing,” says Barb, a retiree living in Concord, New Hampshire, US. “Just like their shock at seeing a breastfeeding mum in her sixties. But feeding Jack this way is the most beautiful, natural thing in the world. I’ve learned not to care about what others think.”
This newfound confidence was born from a profound tragedy. In 2016, at 52, Barb was a dedicated physical education teacher and the proud mother of two daughters, Gracie, 15, and Molly, 13. “Molly was an extraordinary sister and daughter,” Barb recalls. “She was beautiful, talented, and inseparable from Gracie; they danced and sang together in shows, bringing immense joy to our family.”
As Barb and her husband, then 59, watched their daughters perform, pride filled their hearts. But their lives took a devastating turn. “Molly started experiencing severe dizziness and migraines,” Barb explains. “In May, we took her to the hospital for a scan, and that’s when her heart stopped.” The medical team miraculously managed to restart Molly’s heart, but she remained unconscious. “I was frantic with fear,” Barb remembers. “Then we learned she had a brain tumor. Even after surgery, the brain damage was too severe.” When the machines were turned off, Barb felt utterly shattered. “My incredible daughter was gone,” she reflects.
Drowning in grief, Barb struggled to envision a future without her beloved Molly. “But Gracie and Kenny needed me. I had to keep going,” she states, a resolve forming within her. It was during this time that vivid dreams began to haunt her.
- “In my dreams, I would see a tiny baby lying by the side of the road. I felt so strongly that this child was mine,” she says. “The dreams were intense and lingered throughout the day. I told myself they were just my way of coping with my grief.”
- Then, an overwhelming desire struck her: “I was 53, but I wanted to have another baby. In my heart, I knew this was the right thing to do.”
Despite being fit and healthy, thanks to her active lifestyle as a PE teacher, Barb understood that having a baby at her age was a significant challenge. “At first, I didn’t mention it to Kenny, worried he might think it was impossible,” she explains. “But after researching, I found a fertility clinic specializing in IVF for women over fifty.” After a series of tests, the doctors confirmed she was healthy enough for the procedure.
That summer in 2018, at 54, Barb finally shared her dreams with Kenny. “I wasn’t sure how he’d react, but to my delight, he smiled and said, ‘I’d love another child. Let’s try!’” After starting hormone replacement therapy (HRT) to regulate her menstrual cycle, everything seemed to be on track.
Barb recalls, “All the while, I was training at CrossFit five times a week, preparing for this new adventure.” However, in December 2018, she faced another shock. Before IVF could begin, she had to stop her anti-seizure and nerve-blocking medication. “The doctor recommended an MRI scan due to my pain, which revealed three tumors in my brain,” she explains. Fortunately, they weren’t cancerous, and after surgery to remove the largest tumor, the others were treated with radiation.
“It was a tough journey, but I realized that if I hadn’t been trying for a baby, we might never have discovered the tumors. Trying for this child had saved my life,” she reflects.
With renewed determination, Barb and Kenny embarked on the IVF process. The first embryo transfer in September 2019 didn’t take, but in August 2020, just days after her 57th birthday, they received the joyous news: the test was positive. They decided to keep the news from Gracie, then 19, until Barb was 15 weeks pregnant. “I was nervous, worried she’d be upset or think we were trying to replace Molly,” Barb admits. “But she was excited and gave me a big hug, her only concern being my health.”
At 20 weeks, they shared their news with family and close friends. “Everyone was supportive, having witnessed my anguish over losing a child,” she says. “I tried to find humor in the situation. At six months pregnant, I overheard friends discussing their ‘menopause tummies’ and laughed, revealing my bump, saying, ‘My menopause belly has a heartbeat!’”
As her pregnancy progressed, Barb grew accustomed to the double takes from strangers. “Some might have disapproved, but no one said anything directly. I focused on this incredible new chapter in our lives,” she reflects.
Diagnosed with pre-eclampsia, Barb was induced at 36 weeks in March 2021. “Kenny was by my side when Jack was born in just one push, perfect at 5 pounds 7 ounces,” she recalls. “Holding my beautiful son, I was overwhelmed with love. After everything I had been through, being a mother again at 57 felt incredible.”
As a family of four, they quickly found their rhythm. “From diaper changes to late-night feeds, it all came back to me,” Barb shares. “I had more than enough energy to keep up with Jack. Sure, I had my tired days, but it felt no different than when I had Gracie and Molly, and the joy was immense.”
This past March, Barb and Kenny, now 69, celebrated Jack’s fourth birthday. “The years have flown by,” she says. “Jack is the sweetest, funniest four-year-old you’ll ever meet. He loves quoting movie lines, just like Molly did, and he’s incredibly affectionate – especially when it comes to breastfeeding.”
Every mother faces scrutiny regarding how they choose to feed their child, but Barb has faced more than her fair share. “Yes, it’s a tough option – but there are positives, too,” says senior fertility nurse Marija Skujina, founder of the clinic Plan Your Baby. “Becoming a mother later in life presents unique challenges for a woman’s physical and mental health. Women may experience menopausal symptoms while raising young children, which can add to the challenges of parenting. However, older mothers often bring life experience, emotional maturity, and financial stability, contributing to a positive family environment.”
“While many of my friends support my choice to continue breastfeeding, I know society often judges nursing mothers,” Barb admits. “When you’re a 61-year-old nursing a four-year-old, that raises eyebrows. Sometimes, it’s an old-fashioned relative asking, ‘Barb, when are you going to stop?’ or the stares in public when Jack runs over asking for ‘boob.’”
Most of the time, she prefers to nurse at home, nestled on the sofa with Jack. “But I do it discretely when we’re out. At Disney, I’ll find a bench, or in a restaurant, I’ll feed him in a booth. I’ve even breastfed on a plane without a second thought,” she says. “I’m incredibly grateful to be Jack’s mum and thankful to my body for bringing him into the world and allowing me to nourish him. That’s what breasts are for in the first place.”
“Nursing has created a unique bond between us,” she adds. “I know I will miss it when he decides to stop.” The moments when passersby mistake her for Jack’s grandmother don’t faze Barb. “Whatever people might think or say, I really don’t care,” she asserts.
“Of course, there are moments when worries creep in,” Barb admits. “I lost my dad at 82, and my anxiety about the passing of time is growing. When I’m 82, Jack will be 25. But I remind myself that age doesn’t dictate life’s end. My sister, at 80, just finished a 600-mile walking tour of Italy, and my mother is still active at 82. As I learned from losing Molly, age has nothing to do with when you die.”
Barb is focused on living fully, noting that having a four-year-old is the perfect way to stay youthful. “Along with my regular CrossFit and gym workouts, Kenny and I are always out shooting hoops with Jack,” she shares. “We even spent a month in Bali over Christmas, creating wonderful memories together.”
“So, whatever people might think or say, I really don’t care. I’ve learned to listen to my instincts and follow my heart, and that path has led me to be Jack’s mum, which is a truly wonderful place to be.”
Listen to Barb’s podcast at athousandtinysteps.com
Barb acknowledges her worries about being older as Jack grows up, but each day, she revels in the joy of motherhood.
