Dilemma
I’ve always been quite adept when it comes to managing my finances. Budgeting, saving, investing—these concepts come to me naturally, and I’ve cultivated a genuine interest in maximizing the potential of my income. Over the years, I’ve dedicated time to enhancing my financial knowledge and applying it effectively. I often find myself discussing these topics, and lately, my friends have taken notice.
Initially, I was happy to share my insights. A quick piece of advice here, a book recommendation there—it felt rewarding to assist them. However, the situation has escalated beyond my expectations. Now, several friends are seeking comprehensive guidance, looking for me to help them navigate their personal finances, including budgeting, investing, and planning, much like I do.
This demand is becoming increasingly exhausting, especially alongside my full-time job. Honestly, I don’t want to take on this additional responsibility. If they were compensating me for my time and expertise, it would feel like a different scenario, but I can’t bring myself to charge them. It feels inappropriate to commercialize our friendship. Yet, I recognize the value of my time and the effort I’ve invested to gain this knowledge. Why should I be expected to offer such valuable insights for free? It’s not as if they’d anticipate a personal trainer friend to provide weekly coaching sessions without payment.
Despite my growing frustration, I can’t shake the feeling of guilt. I understand that I could make a significant difference in their lives, and I don’t want to come across as selfish. However, their requests are demanding my time and energy. How can I decline their requests without jeopardizing our friendships?
Emily Braeger, The i Paper’s money reporter, replies
This is indeed a challenging predicament, but it’s essential to recognize that you shouldn’t feel guilty for establishing your boundaries. You are absolutely correct—your financial expertise is invaluable. While it’s commendable that your friends trust you, that doesn’t obligate you to assume the role of their unpaid financial advisor.
A constructive approach might be to guide them towards resources that empower them to take charge of their financial education. Websites like MoneyHelper and Citizens Advice offer excellent, free financial guidance tailored to various needs. Additionally, consider recommending specific books or podcasts that have been particularly helpful to you. This way, they can access the expert insights they seek without encroaching on your valuable time.
If they require more personalized assistance, encourage them to consult professional advisors. Many financial advisors provide free initial consultations. While there may be a cost involved afterward, this ensures they receive tailored, qualified support for their financial situations.
It’s also crucial to communicate openly with your friends. Express your gratitude for their trust in you while clarifying that you lack the capacity to provide the attention and support they need. This transparency will help them understand why you can’t assist them in the way they desire.
If they are genuinely interested in improving their financial literacy, they will appreciate your recommendations and be motivated to undertake the necessary work themselves. Remember, you can still be a supportive friend without stepping into the role of their unpaid financial planner.
