The Refreshing Approach to Modern Dating
I was already enamored with Paloma Faith’s transformation into the Germaine Greer of pop when she shared her latest perspective on contemporary womanhood. On Sophie and Jamie Laing’s NewlyWeds podcast, she revealed that she only dedicates half an hour to first dates. “Thirty minutes is like an interview,” she articulated, channeling her inner Alan Sugar, though she amusingly withheld whether those who didn’t meet her standards were given a resounding “You’re fired!”
In truth, I find Faith’s no-nonsense approach to dating quite refreshing. As someone who has experienced more dates than job interviews—though I’m not entirely sure that’s a badge of honor—I’ve squandered too many precious hours on lackluster dates, enduring conversations with men I knew from the outset would lead nowhere.
This tendency partially stems from the fact that I am a woman, conditioned to avoid causing a stir. For instance, I once endured a dinner with a man whose passion revolved around typefaces, spending hours contemplating my escape while he passionately detailed the intricacies of kerning (if you’re not familiar with that term, you probably don’t need to be). Additionally, being English adds another layer; we are often encumbered by an overwhelming sense of politeness. I’ve found myself in entire relationships simply because I was too courteous to end them. One friend even claimed he married out of a British desire to avoid disappointing anyone.
Paloma Faith is absolutely correct; half an hour is more than sufficient to ascertain whether you find someone intriguing. In fact, it takes even less time to determine if there’s any physical attraction. Science supports this, indicating that we form our initial judgments about someone’s attractiveness within mere seconds. With the rise of online dating, if the conversation has been engaging, you can usually tell from the moment they walk in if you’re inclined to take the next step and perhaps share a kiss.
Since hitting the big 4-0, I’ve endeavored to be more ruthless with my time. I now refuse to commit to a full meal on a first date. Even when meeting someone for drinks, I strategically prepare an exit strategy in advance, sometimes feigning concern over my dog’s health as a convenient excuse. It feels far more empowering to choose to stay because you genuinely like someone rather than feeling trapped with them for an entire evening. In some particularly awkward situations, I’ve even endured uncomfortable one-night stands that lingered well into the morning.
Faith’s strategy seems infinitely kinder—be upfront about your 30-minute rule from the get-go. That way, if things take a turn for the worse, you have a clear “hard out.” I suspect that if you were to communicate this directly to any date, they would likely be amenable.
Short dates certainly have their advantages. They alleviate pressure and seem more manageable in a world where being single and swiping through dating apps can sometimes feel like a full-time job. If love is a numbers game, you might as well aim to maximize the number of potential partners you meet.
Furthermore, perhaps the most enjoyable aspect of brief dates is that they leave both parties yearning for more, which is increasingly rare in our instant-gratification culture where everything is at our fingertips. Imposing an artificial time constraint, akin to a modern-day Cinderella, creates an element of anticipation—the thrill of a potential second date is far more exciting than waking up the next morning regretting a poor choice.
Speaking of which, a bonus of the half-hour date is that it minimizes the risk of beer goggles or a hasty drunken kiss. Interestingly, after hearing about Faith’s 30-minute date concept, I recalled that she once penned a song titled “30 Minute Love Affair” about a real-life brief encounter she experienced with a busker in Leicester Square when she was just 14. “I asked him if he’d be there the next day, and he said he would. When I returned, he was gone, and I’ve never forgotten it,” she recounted regarding the inspiration behind the song. I can’t help but wonder if that fleeting experience influenced her newfound dating philosophy.
The track serves as an ode to both instant attraction and the beauty of a fleeting romance, with Faith singing, “Sometimes it’s better just to let them go, cause your illusion’s more than what you could know.” She is undoubtedly right. While half an hour may not suffice to fully understand someone, it is certainly short enough to ensure that every date is a memorable one.
