Women are Experiencing a Surge of Anger – and It’s Taking a Toll on Their Health
Signs of escalating female rage are appearing all around us: over 300 million posts have been tagged with #femalerage on TikTok, the popularity of rage retreats is on the rise across the UK, and even Taylor Swift has taken steps to trademark ‘Female Rage: the Musical.’ “There is a heightened awareness surrounding women’s anger like never before,” says therapist Karyne B. Wilner, who has dedicated 40 years to this field. However, she emphasizes that this phenomenon is not new. “Women have always harbored anger.”
Wilner explains that the pressures of high expectations, workplace demands, household responsibilities, and caring for others often lead women to neglect their own needs, which can ignite feelings of resentment and wrath. This anger doesn’t merely lead to conflicts; it can significantly impact physical health. Both suppressed and explosive anger are associated with an increased risk of heart attacks, heart disease, and strokes. Wilner delves into these health risks in her new book, Releasing Toxic Anger for Women, which also shares her personal experiences with anger.
Throughout her upbringing, Wilner observed two distinct types of anger: her mother exhibited a “vicious” form, while her father displayed a more subdued demeanor. “I was terrified when my mother looked at me with those fiery, angry eyes,” she recalls. “I felt like the worst person in the world even when I knew I hadn’t truly done anything wrong.” This early exposure profoundly influenced her struggles with anger in her adult life.
Wilner admits to experiencing both suppressed and outward rage herself—notably snapping at colleagues after a particularly stressful day. Her struggle to articulate her feelings also played a role in her first marriage ending in divorce. “I didn’t know how to voice my emotions,” she writes. “Instead, I allowed resentment to fester within me.”
Wilner’s narrative is far from unique. In her book, she shares stories from clients like Danielle, who transitioned from throwing books in school to physically assaulting her fiancé, and Linda, who bottles up her anger until it manifests in physical stress. Wilner asserts that women often grapple with expressing anger in ways society deems acceptable: “If we suppress it, it harms us. If we express it loudly—screaming and throwing things—then society labels us as crazy, witches, or bitches.” Anger is typically regarded as acceptable for men, but this is not the case for women.
Women are conditioned to view anger as unacceptable, unattractive, and unflattering, leading many to suppress their emotions. This suppression can result in resentment, self-doubt, and various mental and physical health issues. So, how can women honor their emotions, release toxic anger, and achieve balance?
Anger is a physiological response—chemicals like adrenaline and cortisol surge through the body, affecting both the nervous system and heart. While feeling frustrated is normal, Wilner warns that experiencing intense anger too frequently can be detrimental to both physical and mental health. Research indicates that even unborn babies can respond to parental conflicts while still in the womb.
The health risks associated with rage are supported by substantial research. A significant study in the U.S. found that episodes of anger and emotional distress frequently precede strokes. Additionally, a study published in the European Heart Journal revealed that the likelihood of heart attacks was five times greater within two hours following an angry outburst. Women who openly express anger may face an increased risk of heart disease, especially if they have pre-existing conditions such as diabetes. Moreover, a 2022 study found that women of color who frequently suppress their anger were seventy percent more likely to develop carotid atherosclerosis, a cardiovascular condition that heightens the risk of stroke.
This alarming data might prompt a commitment to pursue a life of calmness forever—but Wilner notes, “anger can be addictive, particularly among women.” “We may find ourselves yelling at our children; there’s an addictive quality to it, often referred to as ‘negative excitement’—that is, feeling energized by negative emotions like fear or anxiety.”
Strategies for Releasing Anger
Wilner did not learn to manage her anger effectively until she reached the age of 40, a change she achieved through a combination of studying body psychotherapy (which posits that mind and body are interconnected) and developing techniques to express anger healthily. Her book outlines a seven-step method for understanding and releasing anger based on cognitive behavioral therapy. These exercises include identifying where anger manifests in the body and tracing it back to its root cause. For example, if one finds themselves exploding over dirty dishes, the issue likely extends beyond merely the dishes themselves. Typically, the root cause relates to childhood trauma or current feelings of neglect and resentment stemming from juggling too many responsibilities.
Wilner believes that underlying feelings of fear and hurt often accompany anger, and when individuals confront these more vulnerable emotions, the intensity of their anger can diminish. Engaging in physical activities like moving or dancing serves as a healthy outlet for releasing anger; she points out that animals often shake themselves off after a confrontation to let go of pent-up emotions.
Years later, she identifies a common struggle among her clients: the tendency to blame others. “People often point fingers instead of acknowledging their own anger,” she observes. “They should recognize: ‘I’m angry; that person triggered my nervous system, and it’s my adrenaline flooding my bloodstream that’s making me feel unwell’—rather than shifting the blame onto others.”
Wilner recommends that when feeling angry, individuals should consider if there is a way for them to take responsibility. For instance, if a partner is late for a dinner that has been meticulously prepared, one can calmly express their anger about the tardiness while also recognizing that they did not communicate the importance of the dinner. Many people, she notes, remain unaware of their anger, mistakenly believing they are too “good” or “nice” to harbor such intense feelings. This often results in anger being internalized or expressed in subtle, passive-aggressive ways. Addressing anger begins with acknowledging its presence. So, after learning all this, is Wilner completely free of anger? “There are still plenty of things that annoy me—my partner, my daughter,” she admits. “But with the tools I’ve acquired, I no longer react as I once did.”
How to Effectively Release Anger
- Write it down – Journal your negative thoughts, for example: “It’s your fault the trip was cancelled.” Then, say it out loud.
- Acknowledge the feeling – Use statements like, “I am angry with you.”
- Move while speaking – Repeat the statement quickly while running in place or punching the air for one to two minutes to physically release the energy of anger from your body.
- Try grounding exercises – Stand with your feet hip-width apart, bend forward, and touch the ground. Remain in that position for two minutes.
- Practice regularly – Engage in these exercises daily for two weeks, then two to three times per week to help release accumulated anger.
Anger does not have to be destructive. By acknowledging it, understanding its origins, and expressing it healthily, women can reclaim their emotional well-being.
Releasing Toxic Anger for Women by Karyne B. Wilner will be available on Thursday.
