Achieving Success in Life
A successful life may be simpler than you think. It’s not solely about what you do; it’s often about what you choose not to do. If you can pinpoint the most significant mistakes people make in life and consciously avoid them, you could find yourself much happier than the average individual. Ultimately, the quality of your life is influenced by two primary factors: the quality of your thoughts and the quality of your relationships. Among these relationships, none is more critical than your choice of a life partner. Here are some valuable suggestions for fostering success in your relationships.
Take Your Time
Rushing into commitment with the first appealing candidate can lead to regret. It’s essential to take the time to understand what truly matters in a partnership. While the notion that “opposites attract” can be romantic, it’s wiser to seek someone who shares your core values and life goals. The inherent differences between partners can be challenging enough without introducing fundamental disagreements about essential topics such as finances, children, or lifestyle choices.
Don’t Try to ‘Fix’ Your Partner
Warren Buffett, when reflecting on his successful marriages—his first lasted 52 years, and his second is still thriving—attributed part of his success to having “low expectations,” particularly concerning his partner. This perspective does not imply settling; rather, it’s about embracing your partner as they are, instead of attempting to change them. One of the most detrimental patterns in relationships is entering into marriage with the intention of “fixing” your spouse. Additionally, avoid treating marriage like a zero-sum game, where one partner’s gain equates to the other’s loss. The healthiest marriages function as partnerships in which both individuals work collaboratively towards shared goals.
Prioritize Others’ Emotions Over Your Own
Emotional management is a complex issue. In recent times, it has become common for individuals to indulge in their emotions. People express them openly and often, carrying them around like badges of honor. However, new research suggests that venting your feelings doesn’t always provide relief. Engaging in physical activities such as chopping wood, jogging, or boxing to release pent-up emotions can sometimes intensify negative feelings rather than alleviate them. This applies universally, regardless of gender or age. Consider your negative emotions like the weather; they come and go. Just as you cannot control the weather, you cannot entirely control your emotions. Recognize that emotions are transient and do not define who you are. If you find emotions fascinating, try focusing more on understanding the emotions of others rather than dwelling on your own.
Learn to Ignore Your Inner Voice
It is estimated that humans have around 100,000 thoughts each day—approximately two per second, not counting sleep time. Most of these thoughts are unwanted, unoriginal, and irrelevant. This chaotic stream of consciousness is often referred to as the “inner voice”—a constantly bubbling volcano of thought fragments. Expecting to find guidance from this chaos is unrealistic. First, remember that you are not your inner voice; you are merely its listener. You have the power to choose whether to engage with it at all. The inner voice often seeks out problems, raises alarms, and creates unnecessary drama. Therefore, it is advisable to largely ignore it. Second, be aware that your inner voice has little connection to reality. What causes us stress is often not the reality itself, but rather our perceptions of it. Stay grounded in the real world. Address tangible problems, focus on your long-term objectives, and manage today’s tasks effectively. Third, even when contemplating significant life decisions, consciously disregard your inner voice. Instead, focus on your concrete abilities and ask yourself: What am I significantly above average at? Concentrating on your strengths can provide direction and clarity.
Avoid Negative Influences
The saying “You are who you hang out with” is not just a piece of folk wisdom; scientific studies back it up. Emotional contagion—the tendency to absorb the moods and attitudes of those around us—is a powerful phenomenon. Surrounding yourself with chronically negative individuals, perpetual complainers, and drama-seekers can be detrimental to your mental health. Instead, seek out those who inspire and uplift you, challenging you to grow and improve.
Be Reliable
I am continually impressed by how far individuals can advance without possessing the highest IQ, exceptional creativity, or eloquent communication skills—yet they thrive because they are reliable. Reliability is often an overlooked factor in achieving success, yet I firmly believe it is one of the strongest. Intelligence, charisma, or creativity alone will not guarantee success; reliability can. If you establish yourself as dependable, you will find that opportunities come your way. Even if you possess extraordinary intelligence or talent, being reliable adds immense value. The most brilliant and creative individuals I know—from leading architects to Nobel laureates—are remarkably dependable. This reliability only enhances their appeal, making them even more admirable.
The Not To-Do List: The Surprisingly Simple Art of Success, by Rolf Dobelli, will be published on Thursday by Allen & Unwin UK, priced at £12.99.
